The Lucky One

I'm not talking about the movie that's coming out, though i'm excited to see it. In this case, the Lucky One is referring to me.  So many things have happened in my life in the last month that I cannot even begin to explain how blessed and lucky I feel.  The first thing is that I'm lucky and blessed to have such a great man in my life. Although at times, he can be extremely stubborn and overly confident, he is the best person I could have chosen for me to spend eternity with.  Our ability to communicate and make joint decisions is unbelievable. We have this way of becoming a "team" and getting things done.  We agree on most things. We laugh a lot. We know what each other is thinking most of the time. We talk. A lot.  Recently, we made big decision. In our lives, it was huge.  I'm grateful for our relationship and our ability to love deeply and also agree to disagree. I'm blessed to feel so safe in such a scary world. Nate has given that gift to me. A year and a half ago, I started a gratitude journal. Almost every day, there has been something  I wrote about my amazing husband that i'm grateful for.  

The other thing that I have written about every day is about these two angels.

Little H and I have really been butting heads lately. For the last two weeks she has been trying my every nerve and most days, she's gotten the best of me. She has just been doing some things that are really out of character and aside from the fact that she's 5, i'm trying to pinpoint what is going on with her.  By the time she's in bed I have to take a deep breath and pray that I can get through the next day and thank God for getting me through that one.  It's been a pretty rough road and I've cried a lot.  However, every time I go into their room after they are asleep and shut off lights, I can't help but watch them sleep for a moment and realize how grateful I am to have them in my life.  I am even more grateful that they have each other.  They play so well and they are each others best friend.  I am grateful every day that they have each other. Little Addy has had a few struggles of her own that make me concerned. Of course they are things that I see regularly that probably are not apparent to most.  Lately, she has been really withdrawn. We already know she has some anxiety stuff she's dealing with, but lately she'd rather play by herself in her room than with friends that are over.  The other day Hailey was playing with our neighbor friend who is always their favorite person to play with and Addy just didn't want to be around anyone. She never wants to go to anybody's house. She'd rather just stay home.  I'm sure it's just a faze, but who knows. It may be another chapter in the book of anxiety that we get to handle. I feel for her. My heart aches when she just wants to 'be alone'.  

Aside from these little stumps in the road that are called 'being a mother' I can't help but look at my life, the one that Heavenly Father created for me and the one that Nate provides for me and the one that my girls help me feel alive in, and feel utterly and completely grateful and happy and intensly emotional about.  

Tonight Hailey said to me as she was going to bed, "mom, I love you more than as high as the entire outer space". And that, my friends, is why I love being a mother.

I am the Lucky One.