Let me start off by saying it's been a hard few months. I usually struggle this time of year due to winter depression junk. It's common knowledge with Nate and I that we both have a little prepping to do before January hits. But, no matter the amount of preparation, I still struggle. This year, has been ecceptionally worse. I hide it. I've gotten pretty good at that over the years. Depression has been a big part of me and it's a constant battle. I've learned over the years how to deal with it on my own mainly because medications have an opposite effect on me, therefor, I gave up on trying to find one that worked. Nonetheless, it's been a tough one, this year. Not really sure why. I really have no reason. My life is amazing. I have 2 VERY sweet little girls.
Hailey, my little buddy. She brings me the most happiness and the most frustration at the same time it seems. She knows how to get under my skin, but she also knows when I need a giant hug, squeezing so tight around my neck that my hair gets pulled. It hurts, but I don't mind. She says the funniest things like, 'mom, what's the big idea" and "hey, my bum tooted... what a silly bum." She makes me laugh and makes me cry. At the end of the day, I always wish I was a little more patient, a little more kind and a little more understanding that she's only 3 and not an adult. I love our quiet time together while Addy is napping. I usually take it for granted. I wish I didn't.
Addy, my sweet spirit. She just makes me smile. She's always been a bit of a snuggler. She brings a happiness to our home I can't describe. She allows way too many body slams by her big sister and just goes with the flow. She copys everything her big sister does and "sister" is the first thing she says when she wakes up in the morning. I constantly find myself kissing her perfect little skin more often than she would appreciate. I can't help it. In an effort to be hung upside down any moment she can, I often see her little pleading feet stuck up in the air while she says "WEE!". It gets tiring. I get frustrated with her new love of whining. It gets to me. I wish it didnt. I don't do whining. I look forward to the giggles and the loves she so often gives without asking anything in return.
Nate, my rock. I can't believe he chose me. To see how genuine he is with our girls, is bliss. To realize how much they love him and to hear the shreak of happiness when he walks through the door after a long day, rejuvinates my spirits. He is unselfish. He loves me unconditionally when my faults are at their peak and he leaves a sense of security in every situation. He gives me reason to be happy even when i'm not. He makes me smile when I don't want to. He kisses me goodnight every night. Every time I see him hug our girls, I see the intensity of his love for them behind those strong arms and blue eyes. He understands my moods, most of the time, and doesn't complain. Instead, he hugs me. He is the most patient human I have ever met. Really, the most patient. He wrestles with the girls and loves for them to snuggle him. He loves when a soaking wet Hailey runs out of the bathtub and jumps in the warm blankets with him waking him up. He never gets mad at her for getting him all wet first thing in the morning. Instead, he enjoys every minute of it. He holds them close to cure an 'owie' and kisses them better. He is my angel. God could not have sent a more perfect person for me to spend an eternity with.
I take it for granted. I spend too much time feeling sad and down and depressed during this time of year and the only thing I get from it is a million little happy moments dissappeared before I can enjoy them and hold on to them. I need to be more loving and live in the moment. I need to smile every time I go to put my make up on in front of a smudgy mirror and realize how blessed I am to have little girls who put those smudges on there for me to be reminded every day of that blessing. I need to be grateful that they have hands to splash all the water out of the tub with. I need to be happy that they can run fast enough to run me over and almost knock me down. I need to be happy that they have eachother to fight with. I need to be patient with boo-boos and tears. I need to get on my knees more and thank my Heavenly Father for my wonderful life and my healthy family.
I am greatful. I'm greatful for all these things. Just not to the extent that I should be. I'm working hard to change that. I want to appreciate the little things. The many slobbery kisses. I do love them.
I was reminded of how blessed I am and how precious life really is when I read a story on someone's blog. I really encourage everyone to take the time to read this heart-wrenching story about a mothers struggle. It really made me think... a lot. Mostly about the little things and what they mean to me. Life is so precious and it's definitely something I take for granted. I'm not invinceable. Anything can happen. (I recommend some tissue. It will hit hard.)
Hold your little ones a little tighter, a little longer. Give them hugs that mean something and remember that they are a gift.
Thanks to my cousin for being the leading roll in my new journey to love life a little more. I know there are some out there, like me, who sometimes struggle at the little things and need constant reminders of the true importance of happiness. I'm right there with you.
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