Dear Time,
I miss you. I wish you were around more often and I wish I could share a lot of things with you.
I feel like you aren't around when I need you and I feel like you don't want to be a part of my life. What gives??
Sincerely,
Me
So, lately, i've been struggling. Mainly with the fact that I feel there is NO time to do anything anymore. I feel like my life has hit the fast forward button and I can't seem to slow it down. With me, when this happens, I usually get REALLY overwhelmed, stressed, depressed and frustrated which leads into panic attacks. Don't worry, I had one the other night.. so not fun. First one I've had in a LONG time.
Here's the thing.. I'm SO grateful for my life. I couldn't ask for a more patient, kind, loving husband and father to my sweet girls. I have THE BEST children ever. Yes, I'm allowed to say that. I worry about them a lot. Probably more than I should. I've been feeling WAY behind on so many things and just feel like I can't catch up. Meanwhile, I watch my little ones grow up so fast and wonder: Where did it go? Where did all the time go? Lately, Hailey has been obsessed with her scrapbooks.. which I am SO grateful for making and she wants to look at those and hear stories about her when she was a baby. While looking at them with her, I just can't believe how fast she has grown up.
With the fact that Nate is gone so much with work, auctions, church, sports, etc., i'm trying to find a way to simplify. I'm trying to get some time back that has decided to take a vacation and let the busy life take over. I'm so done with it. I really just need a break or I think i'm going to lose it. Anyone else feeling this way? I remember when I was a kid.. it seemed like the summer days just lasted FOREVER! Now I feel like I don't have time to even shower most days.. ewe. I know, sick. what can you do?
I feel sometimes that I may seem ungrateful for what my Heavenly FAther has blessed me with. As I look back and look in the present, I am SO grateful. I can't even believe how blessed I have been. I just miss time. And selfishly, I wish I had more.
8 comments:
AAAMEN! I couldn't have said it any better. I feel exactly the same way! And I know about panis attacks, really, not fun! Its good that you're grateful, its helps to not regret too much. I don't have any advice but I'm right there with you, so when you find the answer, please share!
You are awesome! Dont let life get you down, just remember the little smiles that you get from the girls that make all of the church activities, sicknesses, auctions and general chaos go away!
Sometimes I wonder if the scripture that says this life is the time to prepare to meet God is a cruel joke. Seriously, you are right... time is so little and so short and I can't find enough time to do all I want and need to do!
I so often feel like a terrible friend, short on the commandment to ever be learning and continue in the pursuit of knowledge, journals, scrapbooks, a house of order, keeping up with family relationships and that is only the beginning!
Overwhelmed is a good word! :) Simplification is an essential goal!
Being the Mother of two is no small job. There is only so much you can do. Your two little ones are so reliant upon you for everything! Some days we are doing good if we have all had three meals. Other days... I'm proud of us if we had three meals, clean laundry, temporary clean babies and a clean crumb free, non-sticky floor!! :) Of course other days we do more and try to get a balance ... but some days I seriously wonder if all we accomplished was mealtime!
Like you though, I am so grateful for my two little ones! And really despite all the chaos and overwhelming stress... they are what that commandment is all about! The more time I have with my two little ones, putting them first, helping them feel love and learn... the more I learn and feel capable of what is most important or the simplification I need. Every day is the opportunity and experience for me to prepare to meet God!And that key is in my two little ones right now. They help me with the struggle of patience, finding joy in the little things, and realizing how fast time goes so to really appreciate the good moments every day!
I feel super selfish lately... because I do want more time! When I finally get a free second I want it to be mine and not a responsibility that needs attended to! :( Sad, I know... but I also think it is good for us to get more time if we can find it! :)
Thanks for sharing your honesty... you are not alone! You are doing amazing things and have two beautiful and amazing daughters... each of whom speaks volumes for all you do and how much time you have dedicated selflessly!!! :) Oh and a husband that is so grateful for you and all you do! You are amazing and loved by so many...
The overwhelming stress will seemed lightened at times and again it reappears!!! Ahh.. but through it all I hope all of us can remember how much we are doing and how important it really is despite the mundane and daily tasks that need done.
From my bedrests and the bedrests and health issues of my sister-in-laws... it is amazing how many people it takes to replace one Mom! At times almost a whole ward and both mom and mother-in-law... along with an overwhelmed and tired husband! Amazing that it takes so many to replace one Mom! I guess we do more then we think... or perhaps it just explains where all our time goes!
hey tiff,
my sister and i just started to take each other's kids ALL DAY every other week. depending how old your kids are, maybe you and a friend could do this for a 1/2 day and have some time to yourself. it's been really fun so far...last week i went to the mall all by myself, tried on clothes with NO RUSHING, and bought a pair of shoes. it was one of the best days i've had in a while.
anyway, it's just an idea. usually we as moms trade babysitting for things we need to do, but this day is set aside to find yourself again, and my opinion is that ISN'T a selfish thing to do. hope you can do something like that soon. and just so you know, i would be happy to give you some time for a break if you needed it.
love ya!
So most days when Bryant wakes up from his nap I just lay on my bed and almost tear up because I know I have to go & entertain him. So I have NO idea how you handle two kids. I'm seriously considering only having one. haha.
Just so you know I have been a little intimidated by you because you are always so positive and funny to be around that it was kinda nice for me to read a little rant. ha. I think we should just make our husbands quit softball. Seriously. ha.
Maybe we should plan a girl outing a night this week where a bunch of us just go see a movie and leave the kids at home. I can't remember the last time I saw a chick flick! Or we could just take off on a friday night and come home saturday? party.
Anyway, I think you're awesome!
Aw, Tiff, I feel you on this one. I am constantly in a battle with time. There are some things I have learned that you have to remember. Biggest thing, there is a time and a season for everything. Right now in your life with your little demanding children you are not possibly going to be able to accomplish the many tasks you could have a few years ago, even a few months ago, so don’t expect it of yourself. It’s just not going to happen, so you have to carefully let go and weed out some things from your life, such as housecleaning (so what if its messy for a few days) or dinner (it’s ok to have scrambled eggs and cereal sometimes). Another thing, be sure to give yourself the credit you deserve. You work really hard and even if you don’t have a thing to show for your time, remember that us fellow mommies know how much you are giving to your family. Try to relax and enjoy the moments. Be sure and take breaks, eat ice cream, stay up late watching movies… Please know you are not alone! It’s so great that you take so many pictures of your kids because you will always have those to look back on. I wish we lived closer so we could share these crazy mommy days! Hang in there. Love ya!
i love you because you are REAL. thank you for being my REAL friend...and for loving me even when I am feisty and weird and do awkward things like stick my fist in my mouth in public...and thank you for being here today...even though it was raining and even though the party was l-a-m-e (well, the company was great, and the food was great..but poor little kiddos....all my games and ideas went out the window with the rain). anyway, i love you and consider you on of my sweetest friends :) hang in there. know that i'm a tiffany fan. and that i agree with bec- we should do a girls night ASAP.
HI! you don't know me, but I saw your comment on Becca Cope/Barnes blog about the fan you put in your girls room which works well. What kind did you get? I'm wantin to get one for my son! Would you mind letting me know? Thanks!
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