Hi ya'll! I'm back.
This year, I promised myself I was going to work on being a little more honest. Not that i'm a liar. I just have felt the need to grow up a little and stop being so much of a people pleaser and speak my mind a little more. This also includes being a little more open. So, here it goes.
I have a problem. A BIG problem. I need some help from you, my friends and family. This is an issue I have been working on for a few years and still don't have many answers.
When I was a toddler, I had a reoccurring dream. It lasted about 2 years and as frequent as about 3-5 times a week. I remember it well. I was kidnapped, sitting in a red booth, waiting for my family to come be with me. In walks this man, sits down in the booth and the next thing I know, he has me tied up and stuffing me in his car. This is the point at which I would wake up crying and scared. As a little girl, I couldn't do anything by myself without someone in the room with me. Obviously, I have grown out of that... mostly. I still have moments, for instance, I don't really like to go to bed alone.
Night-time, as in 'the middle' of the night doesn't set well with me. We don't get along. Now, having said that, we all know that with kids, night time can be the most trying time of the day. Since Hailey wakes up often at night now, every time I hear her door open, I get knots in my stomach and I feel like i'm going to throw up, that's how much anxiety creeps into my little brain.
Along with this, I have anxiety about leaving my kids... especially at night. Nate thinks it all has something to do with my dream as a child and just having so much anxiety wrapped up in my little world. So, about leaving my kids. I would LOVE to go on more dates with Nate. I can't. I have way too much anxiety about leaving my kids at bedtime. I have a really hard time letting anyone put them to bed besides me. Again, something to do with the whole 'protective night-time' thing. Because of this, I have only been away from them maybe twice at bed-time and once overnight
(which almost killed me, by the way). 3 YEARS people.
I'm at a point where I HATE to travel. Let me re-phrase this. I WANT to travel, but I have WAY too much anxiety about it and being out of my comfort zone and away from my house and their beds is terrifying!!!!!!! They sleep in seperate rooms and hotels just don't cut it. Other people's houses make me nervous with my kids because of this issue and I freak out even thinking about night time wake ups at someone elses house. Ugh.
I need to fix this. And as much as I've worked on it, I can't seem to curve the anxiety and just let things be.
This is where you come in. I need ideas. Anyone out there who struggles with the same level of craziness? Psycological Mess? What works for you?
5 comments:
Wow. I don't have quite the same issue as you, but I do STILL sleep with the light on because I have bad dreams - like dreams where I'm attacked by evil spirits. (so there, I'm a freak too) ;)
So here's the thing: All mothers feel anxiety about the same things - just probably not at the level you do. That isn't what matters. What matters is whether you are willing to suffer the anxiety. If not, then don't worry about it. If so, you might have to go to the Dr. and get a few Xanax before you go on a family vaycay to Disneyland. I will tell you that's what I do. ;)
I'm so impressed that you are willing to acknowledge this as a problem. It's a huge step in solving the problem. So, you've already succeeded in doing one very difficult thing. I don't have many tried and true solutions because I've never experienced the level of anxiety you are describing. I think taking small but measurable steps will help you to realize that your fears don't control you, but you can take control of them. For instance, make a goal of going out with Nate once a week, but once a month be sure to be gone long enough that the girls have to be put to bed by someone else. Start by having the person staying with them someone who you trust and the girls love. If you write down the goal and then can look back and see that you did it, I think it will give you more confidence. This much anxiety is really a burden that can be dealt with maybe with a combination of behavior modification exercises like the one I mentioned and perhaps medication. Scott has a sweet little lady in her 80's that has never appropriately dealt with very similar anxieties and she will call so terrified of being alone, especially at night. Good luck. We would love to babysit the girls and I know Carmen and Ben would as well.
Holy smokes. This is awesome- in the fact that by letting people know this, they can one, understand you better and two, be of some assistance, and not just think you have "issues". Perhaps I need to do this too? I do have a suggestion as far as the anxiety goes, because my VT is a pharmacist and has given me tons of advice as far as medicating, etc... She said a lot of moms have "anxiety" so docs give them a bunch of anti-anxiety meds that don't work, or only slightly work. She says what doctors haven't generally addressed is the fact that after having one baby, or a few close together your body goes from a progesterone high to a low. Which a lot of times causes anxiety that gets miss-diagnosed or sometimes a mother is told she has post-pardom, when really it's her progesterone level that has dropped radically in a short time frame. So my suggestion, get your progesterone level checked. It's a blood test, they could check your thryoid etc... at the same time and make sure that hormonally you're close to balanced, if not diet and supplements can help so it's cheap to fix, and once you've got that under control, if you still have this much anxiety, you can move forward with finding other ways to deal with it, including meds, etc... I can relate with the meltdowns at others' houses, etc... holy cow, I was mortified at a friends' one day when Kalea refused to nap. It was so bad, but the more you do those uncomfortable things, the more comfortable they become and you and the kids learn to deal with a bit of schedule disturbance, but you survive and learn from it and it goes better the next time. It's hard work though, I know.
Of course we would love to babysit, so my mom was right. I also agree with her that baby steps are the only way that you can change things for good. The fact that you are admitting the problem is the first step, realizing that it is keeping you from doing things that you want to do. I don't know how hard it is, but I know its hard. We will keep you in our prayers because sometimes the Lord is the only one that can help. Really though, if you want to set up that night once a month where we will come babysit, put your girls to bed and you will suffer through it, let me know:) Either way though, I hope you figure it out because I don't want you to continue to suffer.
I don't like to leave my kids either. I hear ya. Sorry, I don't have any good ideas. Maybe see a therapist? Garrit can hook you up there. Maybe get a nanny cam? I dunno.
I just try to remember that, in the end, I need to have a solid relationship with my hubs.
Your relationship is eternal. Your girls are going to grow up and get married someday (sniff, sniff) and it'll just be you and Nate. So you need to focus on you two as much as you can.
Good luck.
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